GRUMPS GOES FOR A WILD TOADY RIDE

When Grumps was a little boy one of his favorite books was The Wind in the Willows.  It was about four funny little animals who lived in far away England in the country and had adventures.  There was Mole, Rat, Badger and Toad.  The thing Grumps loved about the story the most was the Wild Adventures of Mr. Toad. Mr. Toad was what Jack and Julia’s mother would call a HAND FULL! 

He did crazy things like drive motorboats way too fast, acted goofy and then finally fell in love with what he called motor cars, which he had a very bad habit of crashing.

Mr. Toad was out of control but he became so famous that Disneyland built a ride called Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

One day the book The Wind in the Willows arrived from Grumps by Amazon and Liz read the story of Mr. Toad to Jack and Julia. And then before they knew it Grumps had another story for them.  It seems that he had this little problem in that Boppy had him on lockdown at their house in North Carolina and so he wasn’t allowed to get out much during the virus thing.

But one day---and it was just after he’d read his favorite book, Wind in the Willows, the one he then sent to Jack and Julia---Boppy cut him loose to do a little bit of shopping at their North Carolina COSTCO!

Mr. Toad, actually Grumps, was thrilled to be out and about.  How thrilled was he?  Well, when he got to the COSTCO he spotted one of those little motorized carts, that run on electric batteries, and he thought, “Well, you know, my leg has been hurting lately I think I’ll just make my run through COSTCO on one of  these little fast motorcar carts.

He was pretending he was Mr. Toad and on his Wild Ride, thinking about how much fun it would be when he and Boppy finally got to go to Georgia and see Jack and Julia. And how, if he perfected his driving skills in the electric shopping machine which he was calling a motorcar, he’d load up Jack and Julia and off they would go up and down the aisles, shopping at COSTCO, buying huge packages of toilet paper, and books and toys and clothes and meat and candy and cookies and all the things that he thought Mr. Toad and Jack and Julia would like.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t been out and about for a while, or that like Toady, he wasn’t paying attention, or just thinking about the stories of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Maybe he was just thinking of just how much fun he was going to have in his electric cart with Jack and Liz at the COSTCO near their house when they finally went to visit them in Georgia.

So, he thought, it might not be a bad idea to take a sort of practice run at his COSTCO there in North Carolina.

Well, he got in the electric cart, adjusted his mask and looked up at all the stacks and stacks of food. And even though he knew he needed to be socially distanced, he just took off, flying around the COSTCO buying up all the things that Jack and Julia loved to eat----he grabbed chewy candy, chocolate chip cookies, salty chips, chocolate Larabars, Veggie Straws, Cheese Sticks, just about everything else that any kid---or TOAD for that matter, would love to eat.

The problem was that Grumps, who was driving like the Wild Riding Mr. Toad, wasn’t paying attention. And before he knew it he had knocked down a big display of spaghetti sauce, run over a poor lady’s foot---who was looking for a free lunch---standing in front of one of those people who try to get you to buy stuff by teasing you with a snack handout.

Then he took off and spun down an aisle and ran smack dab into a display of paper towels and knocked them over. After that he was really riding high and so like Toad in his motor car off he went to the crispy cool room when he banged into a great big pile of green beans.

At first he didn’t hear the sound of the siren but just as he was grazing a vegetable table, dodging the apples, and peaches and pears as they bounced along the floor he heard the WAAAA WAAAA of a siren. And he turned around just in time to see the COSTCO manager flying along---red lights flashing---in an electric police like shopping wagon.

“Hey,” the manager shouted, “Who the heck do you think you are, Mr. Toad in his motor car?”

Grumps slowed down and then stopped his car. Sadly, his Mr. Toad’s Wild COSTCO ride had ended.

“Sorry,” Grumps said, “I’ve guess I’ve been in my house way too long and so when I finally got out and came to COSTCO I thought it might be fun to drive one of your powerful shopping carts. You see we’ve been reading about Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride in a book called Wind in the Willows and I wanted to practice because when I go to see my grandkids, I want to give them a toad-like wild ride!”

The manager looked rather angry but then he said, “Okay, Mr. Toad!”

“Oh, you can call me Grumps,” Grumps said.

“Okay, Grumps, Mr. Toad, whoever,” the manager said.  “I know all about Toad, Ratty, Badger and Mole, I read the book too. But do me a favor when you take your grand kids….”

“Jack and Julia,” Grumps said.

“Jack and Julia Toad,” the manager said, “Make sure your Wild Ride is in Sam’s Club.  We don’t need any Wild Ride motor car, Mr. Toad-like-behavior here at a COSTCO!”

“Okay,’ Grumps said, “That sound good. I understand that Sam’s Club has the fastest electric shopping carts anyway, even faster than COSTCO’S!”

The manager didn’t laugh. All he said, as he backed up his little police grocery cart with a bunch of annoying beep, beep beeps---was, “Oh, here’s a suggestion, when you take your grandkids to Sam’s Club to shop, be sure to wear your helmets. I understand no fresh food there----everything is frozen stiff----might experience some pretty hard landings!”

“Anything else?” Grumps shouted as the manager was backing away.

“Sure, when you wreck the first food display, hit the spaghetti sauce and be sure to tell Sam’s Club that COSTCO sent you!”