Star Warts

On Jack’s birthday his Grumps wanted to do something very special for him. So, Grumps thought it would be fun to write a story. He would write something about Jack’s favorite movies, books, and stories.

But there was a slight problem. Grumps, because he was much older than seven, was having a bit of trouble hearing.

So when he set off to write the very special story he thought he was going to be writing about something called Star Warts!

What??????

And here’s where he really got off track. He watched some of the movies and listened very carefully with his kind of deaf ears and learned that there was something called the IMPERIALE FORCES, which Grumps thought was kind of cool since Jack, the birthday boy’s last name was Imperiale!

So off Grumps went with his story about the IMERIALE FORCES and some guy named Farts Dader. Well, it seems that this Farts Dader was a bad guy, and he was holding (at least this is what Grumps heard) a pretty girl named Princess Leave A Me Alone hostage. All this had something to do with this Farts Dader trying to stop some kind of war against the Gall in the Attic Umpire!

Now Grumps was very confused because he couldn’t understand why he would try to steal a pretty girl and what an attic of an Umpire would have to do with that. Attics were where parents stuffed stuff that they didn’t want, and umpires were the people who were in charge of baseball games.

So, Grumps was clearly confused.

Then as he watched the movie, these two good guys showed up---a young one named Fluke Skystalker, and there was also a guy with a space ship called the Miriam Falcon, named Hands SoSo.

Well, all this was troubling Grumps until the very end when he realized that this Fluke Skystalker and Hands Miriam had joined forces with a funny looking little dude named after something that Jack and Julia said to each other all the time R2- R not!, R-2, R not! And, oh another strange little character called C-Me-Pee O’ was involved, and he was going to help to save the pretty girl named Leave A Me Alone! (or that’s what Grumps thought he heard).

Well, in the end, it started to finally make sense because they rescued the pretty princess and helped save something called Rebel Appliance (Grumps thought an appliance was like a refrigerator or a stove but….Whatever!). As it turned out, this Fluke and Hands and their funny looking little friends were able to save the day and bring justice to something called the Gal Axy.

But, here’s where it all really made sense to Grumps in the end. There was this character named Oboy-Wanta Kenobi (at first Grumps thought a Kenobi was a Mexican sandwich, like a tortia or something).

But anyway the reason the good guys with their goofy little friends, C-Me-Pee O and R-2 R-NOT, were able to save the day was the magical words that that crazy character named Oboy-Wanta Kenobi taught them to say---he said it all the time, and it was, at least Grumps thought, what really stopped the bad guys.

What Oboy said was “MAY THE FARTS BE WITH YOU!”

And so for the first time this story really really made a lot of sense to Grumps because a good fart could stop bad guys, make them run for cover, even give up a pretty princess.

Although Grumps NOW did understand why the pretty princess was named Leva Me Alone---because when a fart is with you, it can really make you want to be left A Lone.

Anyway that’s what Grumps thought. And in the end he hoped Jack would like his birthday story. He told Jack that his favorite part was the part about MAY THE FARTS BE WITH YOU!

Then Grumps said,” You know I wouldn’t recommend it, but a good fart could blow the candles out on a birthday cake!”

Happy Birthday----May The Farts Be With You!